This past week was crammed full – including a late night birthday celebration for one of our wonderful friends, a dance infused Halloween party that was preceded by a full day of thrift store shopping for costumes and ended with a full day of couch recovery and pizza delivery… All in all it was a busy couple of days.
Halloween is J’s favorite holiday… so we usually go all out but for many reasons this year the festivities have been a little overwhelming and I am actually happy for Monday to come. With how hectic everything has been with our opposite work schedules, my final semester of higher education and J’s intensifying IT classes, I needed Sunday to recover and regain composure. I think we both appreciated getting back to some normalcy; as we were out till 4am Thursday, 3am on Saturday and I had class on Friday evening.
The Halloween party for me was unsettling and sobering. No one else in our group of friends is thinking about having children soon and no matter how excited they are for us, I am extremely aware of the off balancing nature propelled by the changes that are to come.
J and I are the youngsters of our friend circle, being about 10 years younger than the rest of the group but we were also the first to buy a home and now the first to begin trying to start a family. This weekend succeeded in reminding me how scared I am of loosing this amazing community. How scared I am of becoming disconnected from the family we have been apart of for years and have grown to love and depend on.
These feelings are juxtaposed with how sick I am of the late night partying, excessive drinking and an overall lack of substance… I deeply love my friends but for some reason the night was overwhelmingly depressing for me, as I felt old and disconnected. I believe the oldness is being propelled by the realty that my biological clock is ticking and unforeseen conditions are forcing us to not progress with the process as quickly as I would like.
This whole experience is capitalizing on my motivation for change and solidifying how excited I am to experience Halloween through the eyes of a little person. But at the same time this weekend brought clarity and forced realizations that things are going to change and we need to be ready.