Frustrations… Response to Fear

Unfortunately I have nothing to report. No plan… No easy solution. The laid-back attitude I once loved about our doctor… is now really frustrating me.

She had a few thoughts… None of which I felt justified the price of the appointment:

You can be the judge here are her thoughts:

  • She was appalled that we bought the fertility monitor instead of just using test sticks… I wouldn’t have minded this critique but she somehow made me feel really guilty. I know I have posted about some monitor complications and trust me I have my own doubts about its accuracy… But I didn’t need the lecture.
  • This attitude lead to her blaming the monitor for all our issues before discussing anything else. She said we should start by going out and getting “Walgreen’s” fertility test sticks and then tracking a few additional cycles with that change before trying anything else.
  • We were already planning on ordering some separate test sticks but it was her judgment/nonchalant attitude that disappointed me
  • Then she asked for all my charting and this is where she began to see something else. She quickly became concerned about the variance in my luteal phase when comparing each cycle. She explained that this phase should be the most consistent and my cycles varied 4-7 days per cycle.
  • She said this could be fixed with clomid but she didn’t want to prescribe it until we try a new monitoring method

Items that frustrated me:

  • I was irritated by her need to have this process go her way
  • She wasn’t interested in going in the direction I wanted to go. I hadn’t felt this from her before but I am now concerned with us being a fit?
  • She continued to fall back on my “young” age as being the reason we don’t need to rush this process. I disagree and I really don’t care… It should be my choice… no?
  • She seemed to be trying to reassure me with comments about how I am young and we would have been pregnant already if we didn’t have to plan like this… She is also a lesbian so I didn’t take offense to the “is we only had sperm” attitude but I did dislike her lack of understanding and judgment

I am left defeated, lacking a sense of plan and unsure of what to do now? I don’t know where this leaves us and our trying? Anyways this is just becoming a long rant, so I will leave it for now…

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