Closure is challenging…

After spending a few hours in the emergency room today things seem to be moving towards closure. At least physically. We discovered I have a + blood type so I didn’t require an antibody shot and clotting has begun. The doctor in the emergency room wanted to do a full exam but my weeping, pleading and primary doctor convinced her it was ok to pass for now.

My physical pain is still pretty extensive and my emotions are overwhelming at times. I read with tears a few additional BFP that happened over the past few days and even though I feel slightly left behind, I’m so beyond thrilled for all the wonderful news. I apologize for my lack of commenting it just seems everything I think of writing doesn’t sound right when transferring from my head. My tears seem abundant and inappropriately placed and my perspective is still recovering. My wife has been amazing and I can’t imagine surviving this without her. She is my rock and has helped me to smile and even laugh when I’m at my saddest. She woke with me at 3 this morning when I was in extreme pain and sweetly sat with me as I took a bath. I’m so sad that I didn’t get the chance to post about how excited and sweet she was when we thought we would be having a little one in december and I can’t wait to have the chance to detail this in the future.

We have some decisions to make in the next few days and I’m not exactly sure where we will end up. Our options are to have a post miscarriage meeting with my current clinic in two weeks. Or go to the already scheduled specialist appointment and move on to a more monitored version of this process. Cost is a definite player when assessing these options as the fertility specialist is 3 times more expensive than what we have been doing. It’s also hard to not acknowledge that I did get pregnant with the process we have been using. Therefore does it make sense to switch gears altogether? Or should we trust in what has worked and believe it can work again?

I have so much to process and I know it will take me time to make peace with what’s happened. This closure process may be covered over a number of posts and I thank you for all the continued love and support.

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