Full circle:

We’ve reached the end of the week… Friday… Which means it’s almost the beginning of IVF for us. Again I find myself needing to thank everyone for the support during this rollercoaster of emotions. I’m positive looking back on these posts, will be a trip. My brain has been attempting to make sense of everything and I think it’s just taken some projectile posts to create a map of my emotions.

Where I’m at today:

I’m realizing it’s hard to shift ones anticipated life experience overnight and it’s just taking me time to adjust. To my new life.

I never imagined IVF would be my reality. My mom had children easily and my grandmother (who raised me) had eight children. I thought – I’m young and I come from a fertile line, this should be a synch. Well we all know it hasn’t been.

First I needed to adjust to the reality that after almost a year of trying, I still wasn’t pregnant… It was time for a plan B. With a new plan, I needed to adjust to another new reality. The reality that IVF would be our road to family… This step took time but once I got over the financial aspect, I found I was again able to embrace this new reality. But the last piece has been the most challenging. I never imagined I would be going this path without my childhood best friend. But I am. This is my new reality.

I’m trying to give myself praise for shifting with all these challenging transitions. I’m trying to embrace the place where I am and stop dissecting my progress. And I’m beginning to believe that acupuncture is really working… Now – I feel this statement may need a little background to support its significance.

I grew up in a holistic home; we ate only organic, used sugar pills, made our own toothpaste. You get the idea. I remember celebrating my independence, when I went away to college, by eating my first ever bag of cheetos. So, somewhere along the way – I got distracted by the lure of traditional medicine. I responded well to its superficial quickness and therefore began to disdain my hippie roots. Until recently when I think I may have been converted.

I received a comment yesterday mentioning that talking with a professional might be helpful and trust me I’ve thought about it. But with money being tight it wasn’t really an option. Then last night as I was settling into my acupuncture session and we were going over my mood. My acupuncturist looked at me and said we’re going to try some new points today. Then she placed her hand on my wrist stating, “We’re going to heal your heart”…

I have no idea how she sensed that my heart was hurting but I figured I would just go with it. I fell asleep during my session and woke up feeling exhausted but also rejuvenated. And today I’m feeling better still. So for the time being – I plan to continue using acupuncture as my version of therapy.

And dad you would be proud – I actually believe it’s working.