I still have fight in me:

Thanksgiving has passed and what a difference a year has made:

Last year we were excitedly sharing our chosen donor and blissfully ignorant about how quick we thought this process would be for us. This year we are administering shots between dinner and dessert – while trying to stay positive.

My wife’s SIL who announced her pregnancy just a day before we got our very first positive pregnancy test delivered an almost 10 pound baby 2 days ago, which reminds me that my first lost due date has nearly passed. It’s entirely heartbreaking to think how incredible different everything would be but it’s too easy to be sucked into the sadness.

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday but this year has been a struggle… I feel encompassed with infertility and surrounded by pregnant friends and new babies… It’s not that I’m not absolutely thankful for the many things I have but I’m also hardened by this process which has placed me in a sad and extremely pain filled place.

I’m blessed that we’ve been immersed in IVF because even if it’s not a guarantee… I feel the hope and the prospect that next year will be different.

I’ve read all your wonderful posts and can nearly visualize all the harmonious thanksgiving rituals and all the thankfulness resonating from this community. I feel encouraged by the blessed lives being lived beyond the TTC part of this. And I thank each of you who struggled for documenting just how blessed you feel… How much all this work has brought to your life and how much love you have for your babies or your impending babies.

I always thought these posts would be the hardest to read but it’s almost like they rejuvenate me and remind me of all I’m fighting for.

This has clearly been a fight… But it’s not over and next year will be different. I still have fight in me and I’m thankful for that.

Picture post to follow this afternoon after my ultrasound.