Firsts, panicking and the New Year:

Well… Starting the night before yesterday I was experiencing what seemed to be nearly non-existent symptoms which resulted in panic and pee stick testing. Testing that brought no reassurance and instead just fueled the fire of fear.

It’s not that there wasn’t two lines when I tested or that the pregnant line wasn’t still DARK but the once faint control line was now DARK also… I panicked most of yesterday until I did a little research and discovered that HCG stops rapidly increasing around 7-9 weeks and I really shouldn’t expect increased darkness. Still my lacking symptoms bothered me.

Ever since I wrote about my dinner timing fiasco – dinners hadn’t been going too well. The evening hours seemed to be my worst time of the day however Thursday night there was nothing. I woke on Friday without my usually urge to pee and horribly painful boobs. More panicking occurred… And talk of requesting an emergency ultrasound – or hell just going into the emergency room was had. Both options were shot down by my calm and collected wife.

So she went to work while I stayed home and slept (read: panicked more). Pulling out the pee sticks periodically, to see if the pregnant line had somehow vanished. We planned a nice takeout dinner to end 2010 and she brought me home fettuccine alfredo and cheesecake with strawberries.

We ate… and 20 minuets later I experienced my first “morning sickness” episode of actual puking. And when I say puking, I mean scary severe projectile puking. My poor wife didn’t know what to do with me but stayed the entire time, even with her weak stomach. It finally stopped and I felt better – in so many ways.

I still questioned if it could maybe have just been food poisoning or a bad reaction but my exhaustion, headaches, sore boobs and the like came back strong. I’m still petrified of Tuesdays ultrasound and of what happens next. But I’m trying to take in the reassurances I’m being given and be grateful for all that we have.

We brought in the new year at home, together on the couch watching the BBC series Life. Feeling blessed to be where we are and excited for the changes that will grace this new year. I hope everyone had a wonderful New Years and that 2011 brings much, love, joy and happiness.

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