Still here:

Today marks the 9th day of hospital bedrest or if you’re counting my 70th plus day on bedrest. We’re nearing the huge 32 week goal and most everyone is impressed to see me still pregnant.

I’ve been off all the labor halting medications for days and was off room oxygen as of yesterday. Things are still rather unpredictable and it was recently decided that I’m not stable enough to be moved to the long-term stay floor.

We had another scare on Wednesday evening. My contractions started to ramp up around 9pm and so they hooked me and the babies up to the monitors. To start, the position required to keep both babies on is incredibly uncomfortable and stresses my patience. Quickly we noticed a very clear contraction pattern as they were coming every 3-5 min and the pain seemed to be increasing. But seeing as I’ve had painful contractions before we planned to wait it out a while.

Well by 1am I was sick of the pain and exasperated by the constant monitoring. I was tired and frustrated we had a nurse who was timid and lacking skill. Her response to my bluntness regarding her competency was, “well I don’t normally work with laboring women” … Really WTF – if that’s not bad enough, a number of times I had to find the babies on their heart monitors myself because she was just too damn slow and confused.

By 1:30am I was demanding a plan… any plan really but my timid nurse had nothing. I was sick of hearing, “well, um sorry, just hang in there”. I couldn’t get up, I couldn’t take the monitors off, I couldn’t take an anti anxiety med, NOTHING. I was miserable.

Finally my doctor arrived at 2:30am and did a cervical check only to discover my stitch was still in place and all things looked good. Now, no one is quite sure how my stitch is sill in when I have no measurable cervix? But it was decided the monitors would stay on and we would all try to sleep and reassess in a few hours. So J went to bed and I layed awake moaning and crying. Finally come 8am the contractions started to space and things calmed down.

So here we are days past the point most expected us to last… I still remember on my third day in the hospital – after a bad bout of contractions and 2 cervical checks. The doctor who placed my cervical stitch came by and also wanted to manually check my stitch. He seemed to be anxious to have it removed. Well – I said NO to another check and his comment was, “that’s fine… I imagine I’ll be seeing you before my shift is up”.

The emotional impact of this experience is huge. J has been here every night and I can’t imagine how pulled and strained she feels. She wakes in the am and heads to work and then spends time at home after work doing chores and walking the pups. But each day here saves us 2 days of the girls in the NICU. So we push on. Trying to stay positive. More and more I’m realizing that as much my body has let me down during this pregnancy – it’s also completely to thank for the last 11 weeks we’ve been able to gain for our girls. Here’s hoping we can get a few more.