33+ Week Update (week 12 bedrest)
I tried to breakout of the hospital but failed. Bedrest isn’t for the faint of heart and I’m definitely struggling. I spent most of yesterday full on crying. Hospital style – which involves stopping when each new person enters, only start-up again if they say or ask me anything.
Partly due to being beyond uncomfortable, partly because of how long I’ve been on bedrest (over 3 months), influenced by not being released but primarily because my childhood best friend had her beautiful baby girl yesterday and I couldn’t leave to meet her. Everything about yesterday made me sad. The baby is beautiful and everyone is healthy… And I will get to meet her but yesterday none of these things made me ok with not being there for them. It’s something I will always know I missed and something that will always leave me feeling sad.
I feel blessed by this pregnancy, especially having experienced two miscarriages and having tried for so long… But I do feel equally robbed. I’m starting to feel sequestered and angry. I want to be doing anything “normal” and I can’t. I know we’re down to the home stretch but that doesn’t make me any less angry or sad. This pregnancy has been nothing like I thought it would be and some days this is harder to accept.
But no matter how sad I am these girls and my belly keep growing… We are nearing 34 weeks which is huge! These girls are really doing it and I can’t wait to see how big they are at next weeks scan. I know we can do this… just a few more weeks and they’ll be coming home with us… and things will be better. And parenthood will be everything and nothing like we imagined it.