33+ Week Update (week 12 bedrest)

I tried to breakout of the hospital but failed. Bedrest isn’t for the faint of heart and I’m definitely struggling. I spent most of yesterday full on crying. Hospital style – which involves stopping when each new person enters, only start-up again if they say or ask me anything.

Partly due to being beyond uncomfortable, partly because of how long I’ve been on bedrest (over 3 months), influenced by not being released but primarily because my childhood best friend had her beautiful baby girl yesterday and I couldn’t leave to meet her. Everything about yesterday made me sad. The baby is beautiful and everyone is healthy… And I will get to meet her but yesterday none of these things made me ok with not being there for them. It’s something I will always know I missed and something that will always leave me feeling sad.

beautiful baby I can't wait to meet you

I feel blessed by this pregnancy, especially having experienced two miscarriages and having tried for so long… But I do feel equally robbed. I’m starting to feel sequestered and angry. I want to be doing anything “normal” and I can’t. I know we’re down to the home stretch but that doesn’t make me any less angry or sad. This pregnancy has been nothing like I thought it would be and some days this is harder to accept.

But no matter how sad I am these girls and my belly keep growing… We are nearing 34 weeks which is huge! These girls are really doing it and I can’t wait to see how big they are at next weeks scan. I know we can do this… just a few more weeks and they’ll be coming home with us… and things will be better. And parenthood will be everything and nothing like we imagined it.

33 Week View from bed

33 Week Lopsided twin Belly

33 Week Twin Profile