36 Week Update

Well here we are… 36 weeks. A place NO ONE thought we would get to. And I’m having mixed emotions.

We spent all day yesterday in the hospital. I had a regular scheduled BPP ultrasound but when we arrived I had been experiencing contractions most of the night, was lacking sleep and having a lot of cervical pain. I knew I had lost my mucus plug and was hopeful things were progressing. They hooked me up and contractions were every few mins. They checked my cervix and it was around a 4 so they decided to admit me to labor and delivery. Where we spent the whole day being monitored. We walked tons and tried to encourage the babies but come 8pm they rechecked my cervix and I had only progressed maybe 1/2 a cm so they discharged us.

I’m so grateful these babies have made it to a safe place (something I never thought my body could accomplish) but I still was highly disappointed to hear all my hard work walking (which when you’re huge is painful) did NOTHING.

I feel like a failure. I’m a wreck pretty much all of the time. I need help to do everything and feel horrible that J took last week off and still nothing has progressed. This is a whiny useless post but I think I just need to get some of my emotions out. My body hurts so badly and I’m exhausted and ready for the next stage.

I’m sick of the gawking stares from strangers and sick of how everyone thinks I’m a free for all when it comes to comments. YES I’m HUGE – I know this. Yes I waddle and look uncomfortable. NO these babies aren’t coming today (if ever). NO I don’t need your pity or sympathy. I have lost count of how many “whoas” I’ve heard while walking over the last week. I understand seeing someone barely 5’1 this huge is a spectacle but it’s really starting to get me down. My feet are Flintstone size and painful but NO they aren’t INDUCING me today… It’s twins.

I know this too shall pass and I KNOW how lucky we are to get to this place but wow I’m exhausted. So there it is (grit included) the truth at 36 weeks. Babies we’re ready for you but know this is your timetable and not ours. I throw in the towel and plan to try my best to forget I’m this pregnant and forget I’m SO READY to not be and instead just put one huge foot in front of the other for a while longer. Knowing this means we have big healthy girls who are thriving inside and will come on their terms.