One month letter:

Ainsley & Harlowe,

Girls – currently you’re playing footsie with each other, after a delightful snack of milk. You chatter back and forth, taking turns making purposeful noises at the other. You’ve each developed some distinctive noises, which we can now tell apart from a distant room. Ainsley – you seem to be losing patience as your sister reaches for and sucks on your hands…

I’ve decided to join the ranks of many other bloggers and attempt a monthly letter to you, our amazing girls. I’ve loved reading other mamas letters as they passionately write about their babies and thought as most things are forgotten these days, the idea is compelling as it provides space for reflection on your many changes and documents our monthly happenings.

So. My girls. Let me start with how proud I am of you both… We had a really rough start in the food department but WOW have things changed. We all put in the work and things are so much better now, I don’t even recognize how the first few weeks were survived.

Ainsley, my dear you love to eat… And I reckon you would stay on all day if I let you. My heart melts at how wide your eyes get when nearing my chest, at how your hands begin flailing and you propel your wide-open mouth at anything within reach. We’ve deemed this your woodpecker impersonation… But then once latched your eyes calm, body relaxes and you just gaze with deep gratitude and love. When done nursing you often stretch loudly, acknowledging your success with a fist pump and lay calm cooing. Your love for feeding has resulted in wonderful growth this month. You are now well above your birth weight and came in at 7lbs10oz at your 1 month checkup. Your glorious belly and endless chub rolls are the best validation for this breastfeeding mother.

Harlowe, you are officially the winner of most improved breastfeeder. This time last month you weren’t eating, were dropping weight and seemed perplexed by the act of latching. You being calmer and more methodical seemed to complicate our nursing relationship, as you would stare at my chest in confusion. I cried, we both screamed in frustration and then eventually, I gave into you. Giving you time to figure things out was what finally worked. Eventually letting go of the fear that I was starving you and instead believing in your ability to “get it” was formative. My love – I won’t forget this lesson anytime soon.

Harlowe, you’re constantly in a state of contemplation and can lie on your own for lengths that astound me.  But my girl when you’re ready to eat –we all know it. Your newfound appreciation for nursing is a complete joy. There were many days I never thought we would get to this point. The two of us. But we’ve arrived at this place- with you loving to nurse and hating to be delayed a meal. You’re a slow nurser and with this you take it very seriously. You’re not on for fun but instead you treat it as a job. As a result your growth is outstanding. Your one-month appointment had you weighing in at just under 8lbs! You had the most to gain back and sweetie you’ve done outstanding. Over two pounds gained in under 2 weeks. We’re all so impressed.

Our days are filled with lots of catnaps but for the most part you both prefer sleeping at night. (Hope I haven’t jinxed myself with that statement). Finally, now that your weights are steady we’ve moved to nursing on demand. No more timing feedings, waking sleeping babies or forcing bottles of pumped milk. You both tend to sleep in 4-hour stretches and wake hungry. You both latch quickly and finish promptly  – excited to return to sleep. You would both much prefer to sleep in our bed and will lie there without rustling but we try to lie you in your co-sleeper. But sometimes we will lull you to sleep in our bed before placing you in your co-sleeper as it leads to deeper more peaceful rest.

During the day, Harlowe you prefer to be propped up allowing for gazing and contemplation. While, Ainsley you would be most happy being entertained in a swing or being held by a mama. Self-contemplation isn’t your thing. You are both completely delightful but also quick to reach your breaking points – which often can escalate into full-blown twin screaming. Seriously. You both have massively impressive lungs!

This month marked many firsts in the way of errands with twins (t.arget, groceries, doctors, etc.) a task easier said than done. But we are lucky you love both your car seats and the car. We also had a few fun outings. You girls attended your first bonfire as well as your first brunch. Both of which you didn’t wake up for but your mamas sure loved getting you out.

We are so very much in love with you girls and are constantly gushing about your accomplishments. From Harlowe’s return of what we call “epic” poo’s, which left briefly during our food struggles to Ainsley’s larger than life burps and gas! Child you don’t do anything quietly.

MamaJ’s back at work now and as hard as this is, when she comes home to you girls, she beams with love. She covers herself in babies and soaks you up to the core. Holding you both tightly, she gazes deep into your eyes and in those moments she makes up for all her time spent away. You girls are her world…

Our world. We love you both more than we knew our hearts would reach and I hope these letters will later be a testament to how fiercely our love for you is.

Happy one month!