3 month letter (a few weeks late)

I sit here with writers block, my brain being pulled in so many directions. I’ve been trying to write your 3-month letter for weeks now but my words seem clustered and unrecognizable. You’re both napping after your early morning feeding; I’ve grown accustomed to this time, time to myself but lately I fail to draw on any creativity. Instead I sit dazed with my decaf, trying to remember what life looked like before you two filled it. The memories seem so distant, so shallow. You girls have changed me in unreachable and profound ways. So this nap, while a wonderful break, seems to leave me feeling empty, without you attached, I lose meaning. Thinking and creativity become things of distant memories.

Your third month was filled with so many incredible milestones that it has honestly left me speechless. You are incredible girls who continue to amaze and impress us. We are nearing your conception anniversary and its hard not to think about what we were doing this time last year. You girls were still a distant dream… One we were doing everything in our reach to achieve. Our days were filled with IVF, doctor appointments and shots.

You’re both still sleeping in your own room – however we did have a little regression in the sleep department. Which I think correlated with a gross cold you both caught and some growth spurts. This seems to be self-correcting but wow did we have some hard nights. Reminded me of the first few newborn days, hazy and never ending.

Harlowe my sweet girl…  can I say it… you are huge! When placing you near sister your limbs seem to stretch on forever and you have acquired lots of lovely baby rolls. You seem to have come around to being held this month and while you still really love personal space, you are reaching more for mamas. In the morning we love racing into your room and undoing the velcro on your sleep sack. Watching you stretch and wiggle your way out. You smile huge and we know noise will soon be pouring from that slightly crooked smile. It’s that close my love. We lift you from your crib and you wrap your arms around our necks and lean into us. Child – your hugs are textbook and I live for them.

The floor mat can still occupy you for growing lengths of time. Your play has become much more deliberate. You still swing your arms vigorously and gaze in delight, but now you also enjoying pulling on objects and lowering them to your mouth. You have also learned to turn on noise making toys, grab on to anything and everything as well as fling objects across the room. Your babbling has also taken on new meaning… it now has some repetition and you’ve also added some higher octave sounds to your repertoire. A screech that first startles you and then delights you! Amazed at how accomplished you are, the screech is always followed by a huge toothless grin.

Sitting is your thing and you get a kick out of being propped for story time or sitting with toys on your bumbo tray. You love the bath and especially the purple bathroom rug. This magical rug can make both you and sister turn from crying to smiling in a matter of seconds. We’re thinking of buying stock in these magical carpets. Placing them around the house making “safe” zones. Naked time is your favorite as you kick vigorously grabbing your knees and feet and flailing your arms all around. Being free from the bulky cloth diaper you scoot around and enjoy unrestricted movement.

Sweet Harlowe, I’m happy to say, you also still enjoy your sleep! Luckily that regression I mentioned, was to your credit primarily your sister. However, when it comes to your naps, we have discovered that sleep is something that we often forget about. You play so nicely and intently that sometimes I lose track of time and miss your normal nap schedule. Well, this backfires and usually means no nap and a very upset Harlowe. But night sleep is still well received and you normally go down easier than sister and sleep for longer stretches. Still waking for one nightly feeding but you peacefully return to slumber. I love listening to your early morning babble when you wake and as you seem to enjoy your solo crib time.

Ainsley my little peanut… you are full of spunk and now not only crave but demand attention from your world. Toys have moved from unacceptable forms of entertainment to tolerable and sometimes even enjoyable. Mirrors and your hanging ducky are among your favorites. You effortlessly flirt with your reflection along with anyone you can capture to interact with you. While last month being set down to occupy and play on your own was a joke. This month you seem to get it and even like it in small spurts. Sometimes I set you down and return surprised to find you smiling at a toy or watching your pets with deep interest. Everything makes its way to your month and some of your favorites are the bear blanket from ggma Jo and your cloth octopus. But anything will do, hard toys, soft toys, burp cloths and fingers are also among your favorites.

Your toothless smile is becoming more animated and we’ve started hearing some faint giggling spill out. You still flash your grin with purpose and have begun intensely tracking your people. You love watching mamas’ work, eat or have conversations. This fascination with your world has made walking by you when you’re trying to nap impossible. You immediately seek out the face and smile with all your heart. Craning your neck to follow them as they walk by you… seeming to wonder… why aren’t you smiling back at me! You flash this same smile when we get you for the middle of the night feedings. Making it nearly impossible for us to not to crack up and return your smile. You’re just such a happy baby and just thinking of your smile lightens my mood.

Ainsley, wow have you perfected your flirting, which still involves head turning and sly smiles, but new this month you’ve added adorable cooing. Unlike sister you love to stand with mamas help, while sitting on the other annoys you. Bending being one of your least favorite activities. You love being airplained around the house, holding your head up with great conviction. You like jumping, standing and pretty much anything involving movement. We still love getting you to smile and now have a bag of tricks that usually works instantly.

You’re our little social being and this month we’ve discovered your world can at times overwhelm you. You have intense meltdowns and like to be heard. You can turn on a dime at times and are much more quickly frustrated. But you also love with your whole being and can be brought back to the smiling world fairly quickly. When you like someone or something you aren’t afraid to show it. You adore naked time and your little legs are quite accomplished at scooting your body around. We will be tending to sister and look back at you and you will have rotated 90 degrees. The purple rug is another favorite of yours especially if you’re spending time with sister. We constantly catch you gazing at her with deep love, it melts our hearts. You reach for her and especially seek her hand while co-nursing. You enjoying petting and “grabbing” at your pets and seem much more interested in their happenings then sister.

You’re both absolutely amazing and I treasure our time together. Things are moving so quickly and catching my breath seems impossible. I’m equal parts overwhelmed and dumbfounded by your abilities. You amaze me in ways I never expected and I’m blessed to be sharing this time with you. As you discover and captivate your worlds, I’m simply a prop.

Closing with a few photos. Including some recent bath photos (yes my hair is gone. after over a year without cutting it… i chopped it off) Some bumbo seat and play mat photos. And even a photo from the girls 1 week shoot. We just took some 3 month photos with the same photographer and got some additional prints from way back in August!

The drama… The quickly changing emotions from Squeaker:

Squeaker Pouts!

Squeaker smiles!

Mama & Squeaker

Play Time:

Turtle being silly

Sister play

Squeaker sad...

Girls 1 Week old:

Girls nested