Have you missed me… I hope so. For the sheer reason that I’ve missed my blog community. I think I’m reaching that plateau that many have posted about. To blog or not to blog. I like keeping the record. I enjoy staying updated on all of you. That is definitely a connection I’m not ready to sever. However, I feel committed to contributing actual content and fear lately it has been mostly fluff. I guess I’m wondering if this blog is of real help anymore… I remember thinking of it as a strong resource during the TTC days… But now with how neglected it has become, I just wonder.
I know many still check in… Mostly looking for twin belly shots… Or early twin pregnancy posts. Or IVF details… But I hope I’m still providing value to the readers.
Since I left you all… I was preparing for a return to work. Which when taken in perspective was a huge move on many levels. It had literally been almost a year since I had worked and I’d also never had such a high level position. I was put on bedrest in early April… So along with a complex transferring of roles at home, there was also lots of rust that needed to be removed.
Our girls adjusted with ease… Almost didn’t notice my absence it would seem. I on the other hand am still struggling with feelings of guilt. But surprisingly I never had a full on breakdown about it. Well, if you exclude the night before my first day when my baby decided not to go down to sleep with ease. I lost it. Feeling overwhelmed by everything, blaming her crying on my impending return and her intuitive nature… I felt like she knew I was abandoning her. When in actuality her not going to sleep was due to my caving with sleep training and retrieving her to nurse and snuggle.
Besides that, I’ve yet to leave work streaming tears. Is that odd… I mean I miss them like crazy; I rush out right on time and snuggle them the second I walk in the door. But there haven’t been tears. And I guess that sort of surprises me. I know the major reason is they are so happy at home with their mamaJ. They’re in the best care possible and are doing wonderful without me. We also don’t really have another option… I have to work and J has to stay home with them. This is our best option. So I guess, it’s better to not be sad about it.
Otherwise, we are still settling in. Adjusting to a new schedule and defining our new roles. The first weekend home was absolute heaven. It felt like I soaked them up even more than normal. I treasure our time together and pocket all their love, to help get me by the work week. I surely don’t come out ahead but it helps gets me by.
Lastly, a vent. Pumping blows. Totally sucks. I hate it with a passion. I loved being at home with them and exclusively nursing… It was heaven and I miss it. I’m trying to take this transition in stride and instead focus on the fact that I’ve exclusively breastfeed our girls for 6 months… Reminding myself that many with singletons don’t make it 6 months and that here on out is icing! I realize and treasure just how lucky I was to be able to stay home with them until now, as it made breastfeeding possible and helped to establish my supply.
The facts: I should be pumping longer and more often but I’m doing what I can stand. Twice a day at work produces about 12 ounces and then my night pumping session produces another 5-6 ounces. This just covers them for the day of 2-3 feedings each. We have a large freezer supply and so I’m hopeful we can maintain this for a while. They don’t seem to eat as much while I’m gone, only about 2-4 ounces every 3 hours. It seems they just aren’t too interested in it but they also aren’t overly worried about it. Sometimes they eat more and sometimes less but overall they aren’t upset about it. I still feed them twice in the morning, twice when I get home and then one dream feed around 3AM. And my girls are growing fine… so we’re just taking things as they come.
Pumping at work is less than pleasant. Especially if you account for the first day when I misunderstood directions and pumped in the CEO of my new company’s office. Right, supper awkward! Now I have an office with a door and so that has made it a little easier but soon (2 weeks) we’re all moving and pretty much everyone will have no office doors and glass walls. So, I’m not sure where I will pump then… I will keep you all posted.
I’m also irritated by all the baggage I bring these days… but that’s just petty crap. I feel like an old bag lady. My position requires I transport a laptop back and forth, along with my pump bag, work cell and an additional bag for used parts; I also bring a lunch bag and my purse. I look like a hot mess. At least when it gets warmer I can leave the frumpy winter coat at home. Uggg.
*** 6 month letter is coming! I promise. I’m leaving you with a sneak peek of our cuties as a reward for surviving that long/dull post: